Change

The other day I woke up like I usually do.  Tired, irritable and terribly late into the early hours of the afternoon.  I felt different.

It’s hard to explain really.  I felt normal, ordinary, routine (HEY! How can you feel “routine” that doesn’t make sense at all..). Yeah I know it doesn’t make sense but that’s the best word to describe it.

I am a person who thrives on routines.  When I’m not in a routine I feel lost and disorganized which negatively translates into other areas in my life.  Lack of socialization, feeling down and a just being lazy when in fact I truly am primarily the exact opposite.

I was wondering why I was feeling this way.  What could have caused me to wake up one morning and feel off?

I thought about it for a few weeks as I continued to wake up feeling the same way.  I finally came to the conclusion that I am a creature that needs change in life.

It’s funny because generally when I face change I usually don’t embrace it at first.. ha ha. Regardless of that, I do need change in my life.  I like new things, new people, new experiences, new places. I enjoy knowing that I have something different on the horizon.

Falling into the same old routine does not satisfy me or drive my life like it might for other people.  Routines are amazing but, when you rely on them too much it can suck the fun and spontaneity out of your life.

On the other hand, they can be very attractive.  They offer a sense of comfort and security.  Routines minimize stress, increase productivity and allow us to focus on areas of our life that need improvement.  Routine’s are vital for productivity although when they take over every aspect of your life you can begin to feel as if the wheels are spinning but you’re not going anywhere.

I am a firm believer of if you’re not moving forward (regardless of the pace) you’re not improving.  People may think that’s wrong or stupid but that’s what motivates me so, tough shit.

I am also a huge self-improvement advocate.  Improving your life in as many ways as possible, whether that be learning a new skill, feeling less awkward at social gatherings, becoming a better listener, or conquering that fear you’ve had

EXCEPT heights…fuck that.  Heights are the single worst thing in the world and I will sell my own mother just to avoid them.

My point is you have a choice in life.  You can either play out the cards you were dealt or you can take those cards and change them.  Improve them.  Enforce them.  Okay, that was a brutal attempt at making an analogy and didn’t make much sense.  But, I’ve never really been good with analogies or sayings so, whatever.  Cry me a table.

Back to change.

I like to have as much of it in my life as possible and with that I’m going to tell you a little story! Yes yes..I can hear your groans and sighs already but bare with me!

I’ve been lucky enough to have multiple opportunities to work in Switzerland as part of my university degree.  The first time I went over was only for 4 months but the adjustment in scenery and lifestyle changed my life.  I literally left everything I had back in Canada.  All my problems, all my worries and I started fresh.  It was so refreshing to have a clean slate and not have anything to worry about except work and my social life.

I grew up a lot when I was there.  But, the greatest lesson I learned was independence and being comfortable about who I am.  I, like many people growing up, liked attention and dominantly evaluated my value and self-worth based on my social interactions and what people thought about me.  I avoided all conflict, I was the “yes” person, and I would do anything to get people to like me.  That all makes sense though because if I judged my worth based on how much other people liked me then of course I’d try anything to get them to like me.

Sidenote #1: If you don’t know what a “yes” person is, it’s pretty much a person who can’t say “no” because they think that if you say “no” then people won’t like you or some shit like that.  Do not get this mistaken with someone who is overly nice or just likes to help out.  A “yes” person is someone who would say yes to anything even if that meant doing something they don’t want to do, are uncomfortable with, or something that is so far out of your way that it becomes a burden to themselves rather than a nice gesture.  They almost crave acknowledgement or approval which is unfortunate because these people often get taken advantage of due to the fact that others know they can’t say “no”.  We’ve all been one of these “yes” people in our lives because it’s only natural to seek the approval of our peers.  There is also nothing wrong with these people!  They are usually incredibly nice and mean well (unless they seriously fear disapproval from their social connections).  It’s whatever though.

As I began to settle into my different lifestyle I started realizing how much emphasis I put on seeking the approval of my social connections in my life.  My life revolved around having the need to be liked or say “yes” in order to get that affirmation for myself.  It made me think…

“Isn’t being myself already good enough?”

Then it hit me.

Fuck what other people think of you! Fuck those self-centred, judgy people who don’t realize that you are an amazing person.  Fuck the people who TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED.  Fuck the people who you pour all your energy into despite only getting a fraction of it BACK.

You. Yourself.  Your body.  Your personality.  Your quirks.  Your ticks. Your whatever the fuck makes you YOU!  YOU are good enough are not on this planet to base your self-worth on others opinions.  You are amazing just the way you are.

Whoa..Got super deep there for a second.  I think I blacked out for a bit actually..aha

This is why I love change!  Change allows me to remind myself what I sometimes lose track of.  I get into a dull routine that is based around interacting with the same people, doing the same activities, and looking at the same apps on my phone where we all go to for our daily self-worth update (I’m looking at you, Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat).

Side note #2: Follow my blog on Instagram and turn on post notifications so you’re the first to know when I post a new blog! LOL. I couldn’t even get through typing that sentence without laughing about how stupid it sounded.  Seriously though, if you want to follow my blog account to get updates, feel free! If not, no biggie!

I think what it boils down to was when I realized that I didn’t always need those outlets to prove to myself, I gained more confidence.  Confidence in who I am as a person.  That goes a long way too.  Even my best friend said to me that when I come back from being away I have this confidence and maturity that he doesn’t see a lot of the time.

Change can bring a variety of experiences to people and can change the way people behave, view life and live their lives.  A lot of people fear change because it puts them outside of their comfort zone.  But that’s what makes change so great! It forces us to adapt, it pushes us to find that next gear, and it enables us to see what we’re really made of.

Without change you’ll never see your true potential. This is why I tell people to embrace change, seek change, feel scared, be vulnerable, make mistakes!

After all,

“There can be no life without change, and to be afraid of what is different or unfamiliar is to be afraid of life.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

This was kind of a messy Thought of The Week but, I’d love to hear some of your insights on change and what it means to you.  This was just my take on it and how it’s changed my life.  I’m interested to hear some of your stories!

ATMCM

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